Animals have a keen instinct and are under no illusions that we are doing everything to push them all to extinction. Unfortunately, slowly but surely we are succeeding. Even Chimpanzees, who humans love to dress up just like people, are under stress for survival. I guess the pandemic has made us feel like we are just trying to survive too. I would have to say that I’m not much help at all. In fact, I’m useless. The only thing I do is write dumb snippets and post them to the instaweb to make myself feel bad.
Deer Fish
When we do damage to the land, then that in turn reeks havoc on our oceans. That’s because the sea bone is connected to the land bone.
Sale
I put some originals for sale on Etsy. Look for The Tommy Kane Store by tkane9 on Etsy, obviously. About a dozen sold already. Sorry about that.
Industrial Fishing
Most people don’t like to think of the oceans as being in peril. It’s much nicer to think of them as self-sustaining. There still seems to be plenty of fish. I can get sushi whenever I want. Heck, I can even buy takeout sushi boxes at any 7 Eleven or Trader Joe’s. The World Wildlife Fund reports there are half the number of fish in the ocean as there was 50 years ago. That would be 1970. So, it would be helpful to the pretty ocean if we all cut down on the number of fish that’s consumed. So instead of daydreaming about how full the ocean is of endless schools of fish, think more about the glass being half empty. Watch the documentary, SEASPIRACY on Netflix starting March 24th.
My Imagination
It's fairly obvious that frogs and goldfish can fly in my imagination.
Seaspiracy
Seaspiracy, a must-see documentary will be available on Netflix starting March 24th. I’m always going on about how badly farmed animals are treated for our consumption. This film shows the evil side of the fishing industry and their treatment of our oceans.
The Essex
I constantly read books. I always have one going. Just finished, In The Heart Of The Sea. It’s about a whaling ship that is sunk by a 40 foot sperm whale in the 1800’s. Then the torturous three month survival of two dozen sailors in three tiny rowboats as they sail thousands of miles under impossible conditions. Herman Melville wrote Moby Dick as a result of hearing about this true life event and actually befriending the captain.
Frankenstein Plant
While dabbling in horticulture, I often wondered if I could create my own unique species of plant. Using very unscientific methods, I chopped up various exotic seeds and then gorilla glued bits and pieces of each into a single super seed. No one thought this could possibly germinate, especially me. Lo and behold it actually worked. Now I grow these in a big terrarium in my hallway closet. Damn things don’t even need sunlight.
Botanical Illustration
The Royal Horticultural Society and the American Horticultural Society want to acknowledge me. Although I’m most well-known for my expertise in zoology and macrame, little is written about my contributions to the world of plants. I discovered this specimen while trespassing in the DMZ along the North Korean border in 2009. I was pleasantly surprised when this plant was named after me. The least I could do was make my own botanical drawing of this exotic beauty.
Zebra
After my last Instagram post, my press agent has been fielding a ton of inquiries. The media seems to be positioning me to become the next Sir Richard Attenborough. Apparently, the BBC is interested in doing a nature series with me called, Planet Birdbrain. My discovery of colorful striped zebras in the northern part of Oregon might make for a good first episode. Kane’s Yarn Theory is sure to be Must See TV.
Muskox
Because of my vast animal knowledge, I’m often asked to write papers for the Audobon Society and National Geographic. Some of my findings are so game changing that I occasionally turn the world of zoology on its head. Take for instance my discovery of a certain type of muskox that is able to grow an actual sweater out of its own hair and fur. When the weather begins to warm, they shed the sweater. Researchers looking for fossil remains in the artic were confused at finding so many sweaters thawing in the ice. I’m happy to have solved their mystery.
Orthus
Orthus, in Greek mythology, was a two-headed guard dog. Most people don’t know Zeus was a great cook. He was the first to make stuffed grape leaves. I may give a Ted Talk on Greek mythology.
Costco Chicken Torture
I went to a Costco once. Buying 40 rolls of paper towels and 5-gallon jars of pickles was not for me. You may have heard this week about how badly chickens are treated at their poultry plants in order to sell their customers the famous Costco $4.99 rotisserie chicken. Mercy for Animals snuck someone in undercover to work there. The horrid conditions they documented included, chickens struggling to walk under their own unnatural weight. Bodies burned bare from ammonia-laden litter. Dead days-old chicks. Piles of rotting birds. Living on their own feces, with no fresh air and no natural light. When you have to pump out 100 million of these a year, you tend to cut corners. But hey, what’s a little torture if you can get a really cheap chicken dinner. Just don’t read any of the news stories about it and you’ll be fine.
